How does a TV show render you unable to function for three hours? Well, Scandal’s season finale did just that to me and my girls. It went off and for a good hour, we were screaming and falling out at random intervals. And I kept saying how Shonda had slayed me one GOOD time too many. I got home and was trying to write and could not because my ability to CAN had been rendered obsolete so I just went and laid my burdens down under a blanket.
It was an EXPLOSIVE finale episode and from the moment it started to the end, we were treated with gasp-worthy moments. Shonda and her writing staff hit us in the jugular for the entire hour. Let’s get into it!
Murder Mercy – Olivia is reeling about news of Billy Chambers being the mole and the gladiators are around the OPA conference table. How is he still alive? Well, Huck says since Liv didn’t want him to kill, he outsourced the job to Charlie. “If you want someone killed right, you gotta kill them yourself.” Turns out that Charlie was talked out of it as Billy promised to use his power as the VP’s chief of staff to get him information.
New League of Goons – Cyrus, Hollis, Olivia, and Mellie are sitting in a kitchen/pantry when Liv says they need to stop Billy from blowing the whistle on Defiance. Mellie ain’t here for it so as she gets up, a voice says “SIT. DOWN. MELLIE” It’s President Ghost. This is the new League of Goons yall. Hollis says Billy gotta die. “Bang bang. Boom boom. Bye bye.” But Fitz doesn’t want them to shed blood to fix this. Sir, did you forget you killed someone? RIP Verna. Gone but not forgotten.
Assurances, Fantasies and Superpowers – The meeting ends and Mellie storms out with Cyrus after her to say Fitz wants her back. He knows damb well he ain’t here for her in the LEAST bit. Back in the kitchen, Fitz and Liv are alone and he tells her ”I’m running. I’m winning. We’re getting married and you are moving into the White House with me.” Prez Ghost is in fantasy world.
He tells Olivia to use her superpower to fix this Billy Chambers mess. They start playing tongue hockey and he stops and starts to head south. She asks him what he’s doing and he says “using MY superpower.”
He disappears and her eyes start twitching as he goes to search for the secrets of the universe between her thighs. OWWWWWW!!! *bodyrolls* iLIVE!
Bring Pope In – Jake meets with the Senator Whitley’s Byron (aka Phantom Goon) and is told that his newest job is to bring Olivia to him. He asks why and is told that if he doesn’t do it, someone else will and he’ll know where they stand. When the goon walks off, the girl from the bakery (‘memba her?) leaves right behind him.
Jostling James – James is on TV being interviewed about his knowledge of what’s happening between the First Lady and the President (since Ghost is Baby Ella’s godpappy). Right after, him and Cyrus are going at it because he feels like he’s being shut out of information being leaked out to press by Cy. Other press is about to report news that VP Sally is running against Fitz and he wants a direct comment. Beene seems surprised by the news.
Confronting Sally – Cyrus is in VP Sally’s yelling about how she’s supposed to be loyal to the President. She says “commandments of the Lord are being broken” in the White House and it is her obligation to offer their party an alternative candidate. Girl, shet up. You’re still butthurt bout Fitz recovering from his attempted assassination.
Gladiators Gladiate – They need to figure out how Billy Chambers for the cytron card and who helped him. She figured it’s someone who was directly affected by Defiance so she goes to see Governor Reston. David is sitting in the OPA office listening to all of it and looking shifty. Quinn is on her Baby Huck steeze and hacks into the security camera across from Reston’s mansion. Liv is impressed but Huck tells her he worries about her. “Sometimes she reminds me of me.” EEK! Then they see footage of Billy coming out of the governor’s house. David calls him and tips him off that they’re onto him. DAMBIT, LEMONY!!!
Worry Bout Yourself – Cyrus meets with Phantom Goon, who tells him “I’m handling Olivia Pope. You do your part.” Cy grabs Whitley’s Byron’s arm as he walks off and asks “what do you mean about Olivia Pope?” but gets nothing. He gets a phone call and it’s Olivia telling him Reston is who Billy’s working with. He says Fitz and Reston are meeting at that very moment. They hang up and Cyrus grabs his left arm and crumples to the floor. AW NAW!!! Beene has a heart attack! As I almost did myself!
Blackmailing Bandit – President Ghost and Reston meet and after a handshake, the Gov says he knows about Defiance. He wants to be on the President’s ticket as VP during the re-election campaign as the “unity ticket.” Reston gives him til 9am the next day or else, he will toot the horn. Ohmyword!!
Amped Up in Ambulance – Cyrus is in the ambulance making as the paramedics are trying to take his blood pressure (which is clearly sky high) and but he’s fighting them as he calls the Oval Office. Liv walks in just in time for the call and Fitz puts it on speaker. Cy wants to know what Reston said and Liv asks where he is. The grand goon says “These idiots are telling me I had a heart attack.” HA! He has no chill even while laid out.
Love and Heart Attack – James rushes into the hospital room and sees Cyrus sitting up in the bed, with an oxygen tube. “You bastard. Don’t you dare die on me when I’m still mad at you!” He puts his head on Cyrus’ chest and asks him if it’s true that Fitz is getting spiritual guidance about his marriage and he tells him yes. They’re so adorable and cutthroat together.
White Hat Appeal – David meets with Billy Chambers, who is asking for the Cytron card since Reston couldn’t get any incriminating info from his convo with Fitz. Lemony says he’s not really ready because those are his friends. Chambers asks if he’s the bad guy and David reminds him that he’s killed some folks. He admits to offing Wendy, Molly and Director Osbourne but he’s talmbout he had good reasons. YEAH OK, BILLY! O_O He then calls the gladiators “thugs.” I mean, he’s not wrong but they’re just my favorite thugs ever. Billy tries to appeal to David’s white hat but he’s the blackest of ALL the hats, and he tells him that handing over the card would be justice. Lemony acquiesces and slides over the card. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Show the Receipts – Liv and Fitz are in Cy’s hospital room and she advises him to pretend he’ll put Reston on the ticket but first asking him for the card. If he doesn’t have it, them Billy does and he’ll call him to get it so they’ll trace the call. Liv meets with Reston and says Fitz is interested in the “unity ticket” but they’ll need proof. Huckleberry Quinn are back at OPA listening to his line to see who he calls.
Mellie’s Epic READ – James is on TV telling his interviewer that President Ghost is seeking counseling to fix his marriage and the First Lady is being side-eyed for telling her business all up on live TV. She watches on and her face drops. Then she shows up at the hospital with flowers for Cyrus and meets Fitz there. She brought cameras to the hospital with her for show and wants her and Fitz to walk down to the lobby together to be seen and he is NOT here for it. Thus beginning the READ of the century.
“Mellie. This phase of our lives, capitalizing on public support as a definition of marriage, is over. Make no mistake. You are going to leave the White House. You’ll launch your own political career and I will back you and campaign for you and never speak of my ex-wife Mellie Grant in anything but the the most glowing of terms. And then about a year into my second term, I will go on one or two high profile dates with well-educated, age appropriate career women which will be chronicled in immaculate detail by tabloids around the globe and when word leaks six months later that I’ve been spending time with one of my oldest and dearest most trusted advisors who selflessly acted as the mouthpiece of my administration when I was lying half dead in a hospital bed. Who has always stood beside me as my friend and colleague. When it gets out that after all this time she and I have started after all this time to care for one another in a way that is no longer strictly professional, America will love her.
And let’s be honest, my relationship with Olivia is going to spark a REAL dialogue of race in this country and it is going to blow the Republican party wide open and let some light and air into places that haven’t seen change in far too long. So the party will love her. And YOU wanna be on the right side of history here. Trust me you do. If you don’t want to play along. If you leak Olivia’s name. If you refuse to go gently, well it only takes a few whispers of the word ‘racist’ for the feminist groups and the religious groups and even the Republican National Committee to turn up their noses at your stink. But I don’t want to do that, Mellie. I want to have you join me as a living, breathing monument to redemption and second chances in the America we all hope still exists.”
GAHTDAMB!!! Listen. I took the time to transcribe that EPIC ASS READ because it is worth re-reading over and over again. Fitzgerald Grant READDDD Mellie like the nonfiction section of a bookstore. He read her like Microsoft Encarta ’95. Like his name was Dr. Seuss and her life was Green Eggs and Ham. Mellie’s face was on the floor and I called someone to get a swiffer to mop that lipstick off the linoleum. THAT. WAS. THE. READ. OF. THE. CENTURY!
And the extra TEA here is that Liv came up with that plan, which he delivered in a speech for her lover to deliver to his wife. WELL DAMB! And he was so proud of himself.
Gladiators Stay Gladiating – Abby figured that there are over 20,000 possible combinations to get into the safe in Liv’s office so how was it broken into? Huck is still listening to Reston’s line when a call is placed to Billy Chambers asking for the card. They trace Billy’s location to Virginia. Got him.
Dreaming of a Goon – Cyrus, in a haze, sees Phantom Goon standing next to his bed and asks him what he means by handling Olivia. When he wakes up fully, there’s no one by his bed. Bet it wasn’t a dream, doe. And we learn his name is “Rowan.”
Wine White and WHAT?!? – Liv is at home in a divine all white ensemble, getting ready to drink her wine in peace, and talking to President Ghost. She asks him if he told Cy her plan and he says “oh he heard it.” Mmhmm, and so did the scorned wife. Then she invites him over to sleep but he had to decline because he had work. OH IT’S LIKE THAT?!? Hey now! After they hang up, Liv’s door knob starts jiggling. She stands by and double locks it when Jake grabs her from behind and tells her not to make any noise. The door flies open, a woman with a gun drawn appears and Jake sends a bullet right through the middle of her head. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! I almost threw my laptop and I surely did scream.
In Billy’s Chamber – Huckleberry Quinn are in Billy Chambers’ apartment waiting for him to return. She’s pacing back and forth and he tells her to sit down about 5 times before she finally does it. He walks in, sees them and runs out with Huck after him.
Jake’s White Hat – Jake escorts a shaken up Liv into the Gladiator office, and they rush past Harrison and Abby into her office and close the door. He tells her she’s in danger (girl) as long as she’s smashing the homieloverpresident. He mentions B613 and it shakes her up even more. She needs to stay in the gladiator office that night to be safe. As he goes to leave, she tells him he’s saved his life so maybe she can save his but that ain’t how B613 works. Jake tells Liv that he’s in danger because he disobeyed orders, not because he slept with her. “Sleeping with you was my mission so don’t bother missing me.” Well DAMB! She tells him to close his eyes and then she kisses him all deep. Jake ain’t so bad afterall. As he leaves the OPA office, Harrison says “Ish just got real.” Ummm… YEAH!
Life is No Romance Novel – Cyrus walks in Liv’s office looking haggard and clearly unwell. He tells Liv to end this relationship with Fitz and she says she loves him and will be his first lady. A Black ops attempted assassination ain’t enough to keep Liv away from Fitz. She knows who tried it and she knows why and she doesn’t care. He goes IN on her, saying that the fairy tale Romeo & Juliet thing that OLITZ have going on is foolish, because “life is not a romance novel.”
Then he pulls the chair from under her by saying Fitz killed Verna! *faints*
Whiskey Tango Quinn – Billy Chambers is bound and gagged and Huck is standing over him with a drill. Huck walks away, saying he cannot do it and Quinn gets the drill from him. She takes the drill and giddily uses it on Billy’s lower body, asking him where the Cytron card is as blood splatters on her face. He finally admits to her that it’s in locker 864.
Counterfeit Cytron Card – Abby retrieves the card from 864 and it had nothing on it. It was a fake! She searches David’s stuff that’s left in the office and finds a notebook with numbers written and some crossed out. He tried thousands of combinations before finally getting it right all those times the gladiators weren’t in the office. Turns out that David had made a plethora of copies of the Cytron card.
Reality TV – Cyrus walks into the Oval Office with a yellow envelope because he wants to show President Ghost “reality TV.” It’s the sex tape of Jake and Olivia, and Fitz watches it with pained eyes. Cyrus just had to wreck ALL the shops that night.
David’s White Hat – Hollis asks the League of Goon to kill David when Cyrus gets a text that he’s in his office. And sure enough, he is. When Cy gets there, Rosen slides over the Cyrtron card to him but he needs a favor. Back at the Gladiator office, Liv has a box waiting for her with a recorder and a file. She presses “play” and hear David’s voice. And Billy Chambers. Turns out that Lemony wore a wire during that meeting with Billy, and their entire convo was recorded.
President Ghost then has a press conference restoring David as the U.S. attorney of the District of Columbia for finding the mole who killed the Director of the CIA and betrayed the country. He is hailed as a hero. Aawwww! All David wanted this whole time was his life not to be ruined. He did right by Olivia and the gladiators. I take back my curses for Lemony.
And to top it off, he sends Liv this FIERCE ASS white hat that gave me Mother of the Bride on Easter Sunday and Head of the Usher Board realness.
Looking like a smooth criminal. iLIVE! Swerve.
Baby Huck – When Huckleberry Quinn return to OPA, Quinn is going on and on excitedly about her first taste of torturing someone and Huck goes to another room and sits in a corner. He’s created a monster.
Breaking Away – Olivia shows up to the Oval Office to see President Ghost and they both find out what Cyrus told the other. Fitz says he can forgive her for sleeping with Jake but Olivia cannot tell him the same for his killing of Verna. She tells him to run for re-election with Mellie by his side because she realizes that she cannot leave her gladiators behind. She’s taken them to the edge of the cliff and they’ve did too much bad stuff. ”You are going to be my first lady.” “I can’t leave them. They need me. I’m their gladiator.”
Stevie Wonder’s “People” starts playing. I see what you did there, Shonda.
Reset Button – Olivia lays in bed looking relieved. Fitz goes to see Mellie and kneels in front of her with his head in her lap. Cyrus destroys the Cytron card in his office. Jake is thrown in the hole by Rowan and the B613 cats. The reset button has been hit and they can all start over. Or can they?
Liv puts on an adorable white running shirt and pulls her hair back. She puts on her headphones, steps into her elevator. She walks through her lobby tuned into her music and stretching. She opens up the door to exit and there’s press waiting. She pulls off her headphones and hears “Is it true that you’re having an affair with the President?” Someone grabs her and pulls her through the crowd. She’s pushed into a limo, and there’s a man sitting across from her. It’s Phantom Goon.
Liv looks at him and says “DAD?”
And the episode ended. And then I DIED! DIED, I TELL YA!!! DAHD!!!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SENATOR WHITLEY’S BYRON IS HER DAD!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! I AM SO DAMB UNABLE TO CAN THAT THERE’S A WORLDWIDE CAN SHORTAGE THAT CANNOT BE FIXED!!!!!!
Shonda. GAHTDAMBIT SHONDA!!! The thing is, I’m not shocked that he’s her father, actually. I had already said Phantom Goon might be Olivia’s dad. But then I thought about it was like “Nah, that’d be too easy. It’ll be too convenient for the other older, powerful man on the show to be her dad.” So I was all “nevermind.” But turns out, I shoulda listened to my gut like Liv the first time.
This episode. This DAMB FINALE! It has like 3 hours worth of content in them 43 minutes. Not ONE second was wasted. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND FEELINGS AND IDEAS AND THEORIES AND OHMYGAHHHHHH!!!
My Scandal theories
After the show went off, me and my girls talked it THROUGH! Here are the theories.
1. Daddy Byron wasn’t tryna kill Olivia. He sent the assassin to scare her and bring her to him because he had exhausted ALL other things that would separate her and Fitz. He finally thinks the threat of death will send her running, but Jake got to the girl with the gun first. She had her gun out, but it doesn’t mean she planned to shoot.
2. Harrison is Olivia’s brother. He knows but she doesn’t. It’s why he’s so adamant about protecting her and how he is so passionate about being a gladiator. and it’s why she always seems slightly confused about his fervor. He didn’t have on gingham in this episode because he called Daddy Goon on Liv. He also knows that the Fitz love is gonna ruin her. And like he said last week “you’re the problem.” and when liv was NOT hearing it, he felt the only way he could protect her is to go higher up. His lack of gingham was from shame and from feeling like he failed as a Gladiator. Both as a protector and as a fiercely loyal member of OPA.
3. David clearly did not give cyrus the real Cytron card. he made many replicas and he is keeping the real one in case of incasity and he needs it to save himself. Defiance will truly never die. Especially with Reston still alive. He will harbor that hate and will still try to blow the whistle somehow.
4. Mellie is in cahoots with Daddy goon. Rowan and her have ONE matching goal: to split up Liv and Fitz. They’ve collaborated to make this happen and they have different reasons for it. We know Mellie’s but we don’t know Rowan’s yet. And it was AFTER Fitz gave Mellie that READ that shit got ultra real. Why? cuz she went back to Daddy Goon and said “Well… he’s dead ass serious.” Also related: That read was AMAZING but it was stupid of Fitz to tell Mellie the plan. You do NOT show your opponent your hand. If life is a card game, Fitz just showed that he had the Little Joker. Mellie got the Big Joker.
5. Jake WAS sent to sleep with Olivia. That was part of his mission. They wanted him to be the person who breaks up Liv and Fitz and he came slightly close but failed. Which goes back to Daddy Goon REALLY trying all the tricks he could think of to break up OLITZ and each failed. The assassin scare was truly a last resort. Finally, when that didn’t work, he leaked her name to the media (which Cyrus was too chicken to do).
6. I have two theories here, since Daddy Goon is Head Goon In Charge of B613.
6a. B613 folks are trained to know and think that they have no families. Olivia thought her dad has been dead all these years. So that “Dad?” at the end was a mixture of “You’re alive?” and “you’re behind all this??”
HOWEVER, I think I am my 2nd theory is more likely.
6b. Olivia knows that her dad is the head of B613, because when he joined, they told him to pick the Ops or his family. And he picked the ops, therefore giving up his entire family. And she’s carried this hurt with her all her life and has accepted that she doesn’t have a dad. And NEVER expected to see him ever again. But since he’s B613 head goon in charge, she called in a favor with him to allow Huck to live normal. Like when Charlie said “I want the same deal Huck has” and Huck was like “what deal?” Seems Liv might have called dear old dad for Huck. Also, remember how she gave Harrison the brown and the black folders and said the black one was only supposed to be a last resort? Well, I BET that black folder had Daddy Goon’s name in it.
WHOOOOO!!! I am SPENT! My soul is WEARY! And I just need a nap and a tranquilizer. Scandal wan kill me o! I am not ready for these 4 months!
So yes. Let us discuss. What do y’all think happened? Why is Daddy Phantom Goon so invested in making sure Liv and Fitz don’t end up together. Gladiators, ROAR IN THE COMMENTS!
P.S. If you played Scandal Bingo during the show, upload a picture of your filled in cards to the Awesomely Luvvie Facebook fan page!
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