BELIEVE it or not , These are REAL 911 Calls! Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller …

YOU MAY LIVE IN CANADA – Talk Funny Jokes

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about ?Canucks? -If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Canada. -If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don?t work there, you may live in Canada. -If you?ve worn shorts and a parka …

The Stress Laugh – Talk Funny Jokes

This has got to be one of the FUNNIEST freakin videos out there? Recently my father sent me a paper he did on stress management in the work force? I would however like to end off that paper with the following? All the best to my father? hahaha what a laugh this guys has? must …

LITTLE JOHNNY AND SEX – Talk Funny Jokes

Little Johnny was a curious little guy and was always asking questions. One day, when his aunt was visiting, he went into his typical interrogation. Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how old are you? Auntie: Well Johnny, that?s not a question that you ask a lady. Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how much do you weigh? Auntie: …

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I?ve got umps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ? But that?s not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus …

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! – Talk Funny Jokes

We Must Stop This Immediately ! Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier? And, everything is farther away? Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in …

LAWYERS – Talk Funny Jokes

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too closely and completely tore off the door on the driver?s side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled …

Over a Gynecologist?s Office: ?Dr. Jones, at your cervix.? In a Podiatrist?s office: ?Time wounds all heels.? On a Septic Tank Truck: ?Yesterday?s Meals on Wheels? On a Proctologist?s door: ?To expedite your visit please back in.? On a Plumber?s truck: ?We repair what your husband fixed.? On another Plumber?s truck: ?Don?t sleep with a …

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A COP-Talk Funny Jokes

1. I can?t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn?t realize my radar detector wasn?t plugged in. 3.Aren?t you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must?ve been doin? about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I …

Thereâ??s this guy walking along a road to town with his camel. Along the way, a trucker stops and asks if he needs a ride to town. The guy says, ?Yeah? and hops in. The driver says, ?What about your camel?? The guy said, ?Oh, heâ??s ok, he knows his way to town?. So the …